sometimes I have my moments, where the madness of this mind threatens to end me. even a mere whisper of a thought makes the drop from this mountain peak of sanity, feel as though its beckoning me to jump.
this mountain peak is too peaceful, too beautiful, too quiet. it does not exude the comfortable chaos that I have grown so fond of. everyone here loves me, everyone atop this mountain knows my worth; I am the only one, blinded by my dark past and self destructive mind, who is unable to see the beauty that is me. the weather here is nice, breezy and warm, with a few scattered showers, but no never storms. heaven on earth is what most would say; but no not me, I prefer the barren crumbles of the earth below
and in these barrens the scum roam free, sucking the life out of each new victim that takes the plummet down. quickly the life, the love, the hope that they once had is drained from them. unable to see the light through the filth, parasites and friends become one in the same. quiet is not something to be found down bellow the peak, for here there is the constant whales of each tormented soul that roams it; angrily they scream YOU HAVE NO WORTH! YOU ARE PATHETIC! WHAT A DISGUSTING HUMAN YOU ARE! their message has no desired destination, or receiver to whom they speak; even so their cries reach everyone, instilling the idea that no one who has crossed this barren, has the strength to make the journey back atop the mountain.
I have stumbled many times into that darkness; I suppose thrown is a better word. for I am never content in the sun, never content with its rays warming my heart. somewhere in my life I was given the notion that I belonged in those caves, maybe because I visited my father in them for so many years. Always fearing real love, real connections, real happiness; for nothings lasts forever right?
And although I have not yet made my stay on this mountain top permanent, no address has been assigned, I am starting to become comfortable here. The grass under my feet no longer seems jagged and sharp, but rather tickles. The peaceful humming of my friends and family, blessing me with their love, no longer sounds like an angry hoard of bee’s but rather a methodic melody. But most importantly, the sun that once seemed to scold my skin, now fills me with warmth; and although I leave my sunglasses on, not quite ready to see everything in full light, I am beginning to realize that I am not a bat; no the dark never did quite appeal to me.
falling is so last summer, this time I will learn to fly!
This writing is about the self destructive nature we hold as humans. And the almost, discomfort we have when we are living a life that is on the straight and narrow path.