Albert1000

In the forest I discovered HUGE footprints; they must have been a size 98W, so I said to myself, “Them ain’t rabbit tracks.” So I tracked the beast for about, oh, seventeen minutes and thirty seconds. I went around and around and around until I was no longer bobulated, you guessed it I was discombobulated. I perceived that I was following myself around this big tree, and since the odds were against actually catching myself, I decided to search for the tracks once again. It took awhile but I located them.
I decided to be much more attentive as I followed the prints; I smelled each and every one. I placed my nose in them and sniffed like a German Shepherd. I tasted a few and they tasted like no other prints I’ve ever savored. I took out my calculator and figured (the amount of money I was about to make) I was on to something big. I could rewrite history books. I could imagine my photo in these books so I combed my hair before proceeding.
When I finally come upon the creature it had its back to me, and the wind was blowing its stink toward me and not the opposite. A powerful odor, worst than the perfume on an old lady sitting next to you in the movie theater on a Friday night. Must have been ten feet tall, with shoulders like a gorilla. I could tell by the way it was standing that it ain’t too bright.
I thought that this is where the men are separated from the ah, non-men. I could have run away screaming like a sissy girl (that’s actually what I did the first three times) but I steeled myself. I took a breath so long and so deep that I could smell my own nose hairs. They smelled sooty; alas I did have my head in the fireplace that morning.
There we were, Bigfoot and I (could be a TV series). I thought I should probably shoot it to prove to the world that it did indeed exist, and I’d be famous. There was a problem with that, and that problem was I didn’t have a gun. Additionally, I didn’t know how to make one out of leaves and branches. So I decided to render it unconscious and drag it down to the newspaper office.
I couldn’t let it get away so I jumped the great ogre. I was like Mike Tyson in his prime, before his penchant for ears. I was like Winnie the Poo when Tigger tried to take his honey. I was vicious I was. I must have pummeled it for a good twenty minutes; I tore huge chunks of fur out of it.
It let out a great roar and turned on me! Face-to-face I was with that monstrous thing. I was just about then that I realized that I had erred. I had miscalculated. An honest mistake but it was not in fact BIGFOOT, but my mother-in-law wearing a fur coat.
When I came out of my coma we all had a good laugh. Did you know that you are able to see colors in a coma? I saw black and blue.
Can we change the name to BIGFEET?

Albert