Karen

Something so devastating has been haunting me for years. For the majority of my life, actually. I’ve shared this story verbally with a handful of close friends at various points over time, and it’s a story my family revisits when we are reminded of it through other events. This tale should have had a happy ending, yet came to an untimely end long ago, an end cloaked in unimaginable suffering for everyone involved.
It began with the innocent admiration I had for a family friend’s beloved daughter. My mother and her mother were best friends and had shared all of life’s good times and heartaches, always there for each other no matter what. Therefore, I had the great fortune of spending time with “Aunt” Jean’s daughter, who was about 5 years older. The age difference was enough that we never really had an equal playing field friendship. It was more of a patient older girl allowing a little one to tag along as she went about her day. I was beyond enamored by her. She was the most gorgeous creature God had ever set foot on this Earth. Her hair was spun golden blond. Her eyes, piercing blue. Her long limbs commanded a grace beyond her years and she seemed to float along wherever she moved about, her presence and smile lit up the surroundings with the light of a thousand suns, and everyone around her was irresistibly drawn to her divine spirit. When I was very little, mom and I would visit them, along with her two brothers and “Uncle” Fred, her dad, down south at their beach house. We’d spend hours surfing the waves on little rafts, or coasting back and forth on their old wooden porch swing. I was always in awe of Karen, and any attention she paid me was gobbled up wholeheartedly. Just sitting beside her was a treat, and when she’d lift me up off of my raft after I’d tumble into the shore on a rough wave, just sensing her strong arms wrapped around me in gentle care made me feel so special. As we got older, our trips to the beach became less frequent. Schedules were more hectic and it became harder to carve out the time. But when we did find the time, I realized to my child-like dismay that my angelic playmate had blossomed into a young lady. And, given that she was the most stunning, sweet girl you could ever encounter, she had all the boys smitten. I remember watching her as she’d get ready for a date. Her mom would wrap long ribbons through a thick braid that ran down her back, and she’d use the hair dryer to gently puff up her silky bangs. Watching her apply makeup was fascinating, as I was still an awkward gangly girl of roughly 11, and with a few strokes of mascara and blush and lipstick, she was transformed from goddess to supermodel sensation. There was one draw back to her blinding beauty. The cruelty of treatment from those less fortunate in the looks department. She suffered many a devastating blow as nasty girls, beside themselves with venomous jealousy, would deliberately sabotage her at any opportunity. They stole her cheer leading boots right before a big competition, forcing her to miss out on performing. And the one time she entered a beauty pageant, she was not even recognized as a mere runner up, the contest had been rigged and the sham stung her tender heart.
More time passed, and she went off to college and flying colors academically, her internal brilliance matching her breathtaking beauty. She graduated with honors and was awarded an exciting job in the sports entertainment field. Her life was taking off, she was a success. I did not get to see her much any more at that point, and again because of our age difference, it was a barrier that prevented me from ever being a truly close friend that would allow us to keep in contact.
And then something went terribly wrong. When I was 15 my mom told me Karen had become ill. She’d subsequently spend a year and a half in and out of the hospital with a bad flu that would not go away.
Test after test was performed, desperately trying to figure out what was happening, why this young, strong, vibrant soul was deteriorating rapidly. She was just 23 when they finally gave her the test that would uncover the devastating truth. Karen had Leukemia. She was no longer well enough to live on her own once she was released from the hospital, so Karen, at the prime of her life with the whole world at her fingertips, was forced to give up her career and any hopes of finding love and children of her own. She returned to her childhood home and the tender care of her exceptional parents, who nursed her through fevers and multiple brushes with death during the many years her illness ravaged her mercilessly.
Over time, Karen did not want visitors, preferring instead to live isolated with her parents on remote Topsail Island, devoting herself to rescuing baby sea turtles when she could muster the strength to venture outside. However, we were invited to visit one last time during the latter years of Karen’s life. She had noticeably changed. Her long, thick golden hair was thinning. When getting ready to head out for a bite to eat on a good day, she tried in vain to once again puff up the portion around her face, now unable to gather enough to do so. But through it all her powerful will and zest for life could not be broken. She fought a brave battle and refused to let her illness get the better of her. It seemed as though she clung to life in order to protect and save the lives of those she was so passionate about, her precious, helpless sea turtles.
Karen lived a total of 6 years after her diagnosis. I had not seen her in a very long time when I heard the news of her death. It was hard to believe she was gone. The senselessness of it at once angered and devastated me. Why was she taken from us? Why did she have to suffer and die an unspeakable death? I have carried the anguish with me from that day on, so broken hearted because I never really had the chance to know her ethereal soul that has left a profound impact on me to this day. She was my hero, shimmering atop the highest of pedestals, everything I’d ever wanted to grow up to be, my admiration for her was intense. How could the fates destroy someone so deserving of a rich, full life?

At the funeral and gathering afterward, I heard her mother tell my mom about Karen’s last day. At the time of her death, she had lost every last strand of her hair of shining gold, and she took to curling up around the home wig-free, so weak and frail. The morning of her death she was sluggish and incoherent. Her frightened parents scrambled to try to revive her. She was babbling, not making any sense. They gave her some oxygen through a mask. Suddenly she came to and clutched the mask, pulled it aside and with pleading eyes and breathless words exclaimed, “I love you, I love you!!!” They held their beautiful baby tight in their arms and answered back “We love you!!!” And then, with one last exhale, Karen uttered “I love…” and was gone. And with her went the brightest light this world has ever known. The sun still rises, time still ticks past, children continue to be born and people still find laughter and love in their lives. But for anyone who had the honor of just being in the company of that slice of heaven on Earth, dear Karen, we are so much better for it. And I, personally, can only find comfort in knowing that her presence in the sky is what warms me now, and her stars are what blanket me as I sleep, once again with her on that old porch swing by the sea shore, if only in my dreams.

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Tags:

ethereal, gorgeous, karen, leukemia, love, sea, sea turtles and topsail island