Disloyal Order

I’m coming apart at the seams
Pitching myself for leads in other people’s dreams
Now buzz, buzz, buzz
Doc, there’s a hole where something was
Doc, there’s a hole where something was…

Sepia nights
Every night
Every morning
Heal my wounds
Fix my “uh oh’s”
Blow on it
Now, don’t worry
Some of this, a touch of that
And it’ll all be yesterday
You don’t want to repeat yesterday

And now everything is fantastic
It’s got me staring
Never seen the world
New children
New feverish camera lenses
Breaking down doors
Into rest rooms
On my truck stop
Side tracks
Vomit and tears
The romance of your nightlife
The rules of your engagement
Stealing
Got us fired again.
And again.
But those feverish lenses
Never could catch us
Could they?
As long as we shut the door behind us

Arrested last night
Down the block I see a knife fight
The cursing, the limbs
Flail, flail, flail
So mad, so sad
I won’t be restrained
I won’t be confined
I’m an artist
Oh God, I’m an artist
I’m not the smartest
I’m just crazy
Crazy and undeniable
I’m just a loose canon
And I blow for no man
I’m just out of my mind
And you’re just here all the time.

Just stop thinking about life
Just stop thinking about living
Just stop thinking about your tragic, tragic heart
Overthrow the government
Make it rain your favorite ice cream
It won’t happen
But you can dream
I can dream too
Those dreams will promise you anything
So just remain
Just remain in them

They never could catch us
Imperfect kids
I still feel like a kid
Little fuckers
With our perfect tall tales
You know about them,
don’t you?

Jascie Epinn › Portfolio › Disloyal Order

Disloyal Order by Jascie Epinn

It’s so hard to describe how I feel about life. I’m always so down on it but I don’t mean to be. It’s so hard to just live. I don’t think a lot of people even know how. We all think we’re living when we’re not. This is – to me – what living feels like. If you’ve never just gone rogue, if you’ve never just bummed out, jobless and slightly afraid – I would recommend doing it as soon as possible.
There is nothing more liberating. Although it’s frightening, it’s just the most peaceful idea. That fear, that apprehension is life. That’s what life is about.
We remain in these pockets of safety and suburbia. That’s not living. Living is being afraid to open the door but doing it anyway. Living is sleeping in your car because you can’t afford a hotel. Living is having fun sinlessly. As if God couldn’t account for it. It’s being so absolutely buried in your wrongs that you can’t tell the difference between wrong and right.
Everyone has that right, we neglect it, but we have it. We’re so frightened by society, religion, authority that we never give ourselves this time. Just do it.
I did it and I can say, it is difficult and miserable but between the fear and the heartache, you’ll find that the world is such a broad place to be. You can be anything you want and anyone you want. And you can escape anything – you can. It’s underhanded to look for a way out and around your problems but it can be done.
The world will be new.

Comments

hud e4 months ago

life is beautiful
life is a dream
but all you can do is
say what you mean?

x
Greta McLaughlin4 months ago
Thank you!
– Jascie Epinn
Thomas W. Rich...3 months ago

some really beautiful lines in here…
Thanks :)
– Jascie Epinn