I've got nothing to live for, I'd rather die by the sword

I’m scared of the future
But I like to be startled
What happened in the past
Will never start over
For some reason my eyesight
Will only see forward
For some reason my hindsight
Is biased and narrow
It’s my time now, to make my place
In about 3 years, you’ll all know my face
You’ll all know my rythme, you’ll all know my blues
You’ll all know my voice when I sing on the news
But don’t admire when you do because I’m nothing at all
In my time I respire to melt away, I’m gone when God calls
For now I’m an essence, I’m a probability
Never a statistic, and quite prone to invisibility
I’ve worked my whole damn life, but it’ll never be my time
I’ve worked for hours only to spend dimes at a time
Because I’ve never wanted, or never wanted more
And if I ever wanted for anything, it’s nothing from the store
It’s to fly or to smile wider or to feel acceptence
when none exists for me, but I accept that as well
I’ve always been quiet but I’ve never been humble
It took me so long to find myself, now I won’t go back
And nothing could take me away short of a heart attack
I’m not a success seeker, I’m not a public speaker
I’m an arrogant and selfish fool
Who will ruin lives for her own life to rule
I don’t care for popularity, a bandwagon is a halfway home
I’m not crunk, fly, gucci, swagged up, strapped down
I’m not wicked, I’m not punk, I don’t have a specific sound
My melody is a neverending ember wave
that melts away everything anyone ever gave
to me, about me, for me, with me
it strips away all the prejudice, change and material
the colonial, midieval, renaissance and imperial
To the root of me, who I decide to be
which is subject to change, just knowing me
Since I started from a whistle between Dad’s teeth
And went from poser to joker to majority thief
The only difference between myself and a rockstar
Is that I don’t hide behind eyeliner and a guitar
That I won’t be placed between one or another
That I’m either first or I’ll become a fighter, not a lover
I work for chump change just to sustain
If you want money then you’ll never truly obtain
Enough is never enough, the hungry become hungrier
And when under pressure you’ll find the funny become funnier
Make it right, be yourself, the game can only last so long
And you may just change a life, with that last song
This is a ballad, this is an ode
That I will never record, because under God I’m satisfied
And I’ve got nothing to live for, rather die for the sword

I've got nothing to live for, I'd rather die by the sword

Jascie Epinn

Joined January 2009

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