Suddenly every color
Was drowned in black
And I drowned too
And crashed swirling
In a narrow tunnel of darkness
Astonished hands
Along slippery, empty walls
No edge, no grip or hold
Shoreless crashing
In a cocoon of pain
My unseeing eyes wide open
But there was no light

In a dark land on the bare ground
While I lay there
I felt the slashing
Behind me
Something definite
I wanted to explode
And fall apart in a thousand pieces
But I couldn’t
I lay there in the nothingness
With wordless screaming in my throat
I wanted to crawl back into my mother
Into her warm belly
But my mother was dead
And in my own belly
I never grew my child

On the cold ground I tried to crawl
I was on woodland, within the pines
I could feel it
I couldn’t see
I crawled
Bit by bit
I think there was a path
That I followed without thought
And there were wolves
Hiding in the embittered forest
Lurking with yellow eyes
Ready to strike
Sharp hands, teeth and claws
Everywhere claws and teeth
‘I don’t want to!’

It lasted an eternity
My body too small
My blood petrified
Breathless perishing
Crawling a little bit further

I saw a little trace of grey
Heavily between the trees
The wolves followed me
And so did the black
My hands sensed the path
A path is a path
And it leads somewhere

The grey got shade variations
A little lighter, a little darker
Eagerly I looked around
Crawling the path in disbelief
One broad leaved tree between the pines
The path a little wider
One dawning that extinguished
But later timidly appeared again
Pink on the horizon
Ludicrously impossible yet so real
And another broad leaved tree in the pine forest

Painfully I drew myself up
I didn’t crawl anymore
My body was still there
In part
I saw light grey
And a glimpse of a color
That I could not denominate
And the wolves slowly withdrew
Still lurking and gasping
But afraid of the cautious dawn

(Lilith)