A true story, believe it or not.
Love. Is it worth it? Yes the emotions that flow though the body are intense. Love can hurt but life is about embracing the difficult to achieve happiness. And i write this for my love who is my mind and my life.
I was looking at a few pictures from graduation and from a friend’s graduation party, and I just got that feeling. That one where I miss everyone terribly. I mean, these people were pretty much my life. Yea, I have my family, and they mean the world to me. I love them, and they know that, or at least they should. But my friends were the family I got to choose, the people like me, the people who CHOSE to like me. So many of them have gone away and I feel as if I am missing an arm or something. Everyone has started on their path, started their lives, and I am here, not moving forward, just standing still. When will my life start? Will it start when I find out whether or not the Academy wants me? What will I do if the Academy doesn’t want me, never wants me? I am 99.9% sure that the Academy is my future, that the Academy is where I should be, but what about that .01%? What if I discover something that doesn’t make me want to go, that makes me want to stay? What if I discover someone who makes me want to stay? I am so worried that I will make nothing of myself, so worried about what I will become. I’m not the drug-using, slutty teen mother that my sister hoped to make me, but I am not anything. I am just here, just waiting. It’s just one of those days where I can’t see what I’m doing, where I’m going. Perhaps this is just one of those idiotically weak moments, where I am missing everyone. An idiotically weak moment; yea, that’s what I’m going to title this. / I’m just in that mood where I want to cry, cry with loss, confusion, uncertainty. / So now what? Now that I am out of high school, I have no sense of purpose. At least when I was in school, I had something to work for, work towards. I think that is one of the reasons I want to take Japanese…so that I have something to work on, work towards, something that will help keep me focused on the Academy. But I don’t know. Perhaps today is just one of those days; perhaps this is just an idiotically weak moment.
The Title is actually a quote from a certain point in my last three years…
http://redleadbooks.com/riofkz.html
haha returning to urban fantasy it would seem, this is something I wrote a while ago.
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