A lot of my writing lately is centered on self rediscovery and all the healing associated with loss of self. The topic of woman’s invisibility has recently entered the host forum here in PPM , which shifted my meditations surrounding loss of self to the universal suffering of woman’s seasons of invisibility.

Here’s an excerpt from my recent personal essay, Pruning Season, that has unraveled a whole other direction of reflections:

When I turned twenty-three and prepared to give birth to my first child, I began doing what every good mom does at that time in her life: I started packing up my dreams. Between a growing family, and a budding family business, I went from mindlessly packing up those dreams to eventually forgetting about them altogether.

Thirteen years later, I woke up one morning wondering who I was and where the future was leading me. It appeared that somewhere along the path to becoming the best wife, mother, and business partner I could be, me as an individual had become invisible. So during this early morning meditation I reflected on what I should do now that my youngest daughter was in school full time. I realized the bag I currently carried around was no longer a diaper bag, rather it was my long forgotten dreams. Unfortunately, a lot of the contents were damaged and had already started composting and breaking apart from years of neglect. After a moment (or two) of resentment, I decided to look upon this pile that was near ruins as my next challenge. There had to be something worth salvaging. After all, parts of me were in that pile!

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The thing with un-addressed symptoms is it’s only a matter of time before they infect other areas. This is not only true for physical wellness, but also for matters of life. This concept when combined with my recent conversations on invisibility led to these meditations:

Can You See Me Now?

Today I will tolerate more ____________.
It’s the expected norm, just another thing
I’ll do in the name of keeping harmony
in the atmosphere. If only I could ^reduce
myself a little more; or cut out another
something that is important only to me;
or try harder to understand (with patience)
that those double standards are not intended
to hurt me or ^reduce what is important to me…

Today I will go along with what everyone
else wants to do simply because through
the hazy fog of complete exhaustion
and confusion, I can’t remember what it was
that I wanted. Or maybe it’s simply because
I don’t have a moment in between the pressure
of demands and expectations placed on me
to actually think about what it is that I want.

Today I will ignore you ignoring me
while I tell you how this makes me feel.
I’ll pretend that my opinion or contribution
isn’t that important in the larger picture.
I’ll be sure to overlook what your demands
do to me – those demands that include me
having to validate how you feel while tolerating
such rude, inconsiderate behavior from me for even
thinking you would accept being treated as such.

And I’ll do all of this in a silence so maddening,
it’s shocking no one around me can hear
the internal chaos as it bubbles and churns fragile,
volatile debris. Today I will become invisible.

---

Becoming invisible is rooted to so many things. It’s directly linked to areas where tolerance overshadows preference. Whether it’s associated with people pleasing, insecurity, being practical, duress, non-confrontational approaches, feelings of insignificance… one variable is constant: the silence continues to paint the individual into invisibility. Usually accompanying that silence is a festering resentment that no amount of practiced patience can contain indefinitely. Often brimming at the surface of such resentment are feelings of violation — feelings so debilitating that the image staring back from the mirror is that of the abused victim.

How is it that something that starts out with such good and honourable intentions morphs into such a mess? How is it that by the time woman realizes there’s a problem she’s already become invisible? Isn’t there a better way? A path that is healthy for all involved?

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Are there areas you’ve stirred awake within the nightmare to discover you’re invisible? We’d love to hear your stories. Whether your outlet is simply to share your story by leaving a comment, or you’ve used art/writing to express such emotions, or you’ve been inspired and/or provoked by the art/writing of another please share such here in this forum. Together we will explore this invisible connectedness from every angle, hoping to minister to one another while we invite healing, growth, and freedom into areas needing nurturing.

I have to say this poked a beehive inside of me. Angry, savage bees.

This subject is dear to my heart. Thank you for raising it Jenifer. My beef is about invisibility as we grow older.

I have to say that I did not start off invisible, nor did I spend my adult life in this state. Invisibility has simply arrived and grown with age. It creeps up without warning, and seems to spread. There is so much research which acknowledges that one’s value in society is directly related to the jobs we do. Upon retirement this value to society as a whole deflates exponentially with age.

As a young woman, I felt good about myself. I was strong and confident. If I wore new clothes, had a new hair do, did a good job or a kind deed, people would comment and compliment. Now, other than my husband and very close friends, these things go unnoticed. I truly cannot remember a time recently when I received a spontaneous compliment. It is as if, physically, I have ceased to be visible.

It is little different emotionally. As Jenifer’s wonderful poem illustrates, we spend much of our time validating and supporting those around us, nurturing, caring, supporting and positively affirming. How lovely it would be to get all this back in bucketfuls.

I could go on and on, but like Shar, I feel that I am moaning and hate doing this.

xx
Anna

Unbeknown/Jakki Savage art often evokes this sense of pealing back the layers of invisibility in order to expose the existence of self. Here are a few of my favourites:

Solace

Amongst the Unspoken

Impertinent Existence

i apologize i stated i didn’t have music accompaniment…at the time of the write i didn’t…however found the lyrics to the song fitting for my journey in life right now and added it later…don’t want anyone thinking i’ve lost my mind (haha)
peace

I thought it would be lovely to add this weeks features here.

We feel invisible when we sense a loss of self…
Can You See Me Now by © JeniferDeBellis

Today I will tolerate more ____________.
It’s the expected norm, just another thing
I’ll do in the name of keeping harmony
in the atmosphere. If only I could ^reduce
myself a little more; or cut out another
something that is important only to me;
or try harder to understand (with patience)
that those double standards are not intended
to hurt me or ^reduce what is important to me…

Today I will go along with what everyone
else wants to do simply because through
the hazy fog of complete exhaustion
and confusion, I can’t remember what it was
that I wanted. Or maybe it’s simply because
I don’t have a moment in between the pressure
of demands and expectations placed on me
to actually think about what it is that I want.

Today I will ignore you ignoring me
while I tell you how this makes me feel.
I’ll pretend that my opinion or contribution
isn’t that important in the larger picture.
I’ll be sure to overlook what your demands
do to me – those demands that include me
having to validate how you feel while tolerating
such rude, inconsiderate behavior from me for even
thinking you would accept being treated as such.

And I’ll do all of this in a silence so maddening,
it’s shocking no one around me can hear
the internal chaos as it bubbles and churns fragile,
volatile debris. Today I will become invisible.

When we feel neglected and taken for grated we feel bruised
Bruise by © Glitterfest
I am bruised. By your neglect. By all those small slights. By being taken for granted. By your complete refusal to acknowledge the abuse.
And it’s only beginning to surface. Glitterfest

When we grow old….
Painted Away by © Sybille Sterk

I see
this face
in the mirror
the wrinkles
around the eyes

I remember
the smile
curving my lips
the twinkle
in my eye

I see
double
twins years apart
one who was
one who is

a little powdereye linerlipstick andblusherdye away the greyhide the wrinklesmoisturiseglamorise

I see
two faces
merging
into
invisibility

I remember
who I am
is not who I see
is not the face
in the mirror

I know
I am here
looking in
You are there
looking out.

Invisible by © Sybille Sterk

When we are not heard…

Invisible by © Cynthia Lund Torroll
She peeks through the reeds -
camouflaged,
coded for a moment
of pure disclosure.

Yet despite her full promenade
and her siren call to alert,
she remains unseen,
unheard,
invisible…

The manual says on every fortnight
she slips in deep slumber and
dreams presence.

She has voice – she has form,
it is there, on the other side,
to a seasoned observer,
that a side of her
appears…

Invisible by © Cynthia Lund Torroll

When we feel insignificant…
insignificant by © Sally Omar

walking solemnly
shoulders slightly drooped
her corn colored hair
hung loosely around her face
her torn jeans
her wrinkled shirt
the emptiness she carried
within her very being
never raised her eyes
when she spoke
never felt equal to anyone
her mother’s constant insults
her father’s constant slaps
the ache in her heart
was way too much to bear
she walked among people
but walked all alone
unnoticed, unloved, fearful
never realizing that she possessed
beauty, talent and intelligence
she walked among the living
but her soul had died
after all, they called her
“insignificant”

When we cannot have children or our children leave home…
Empty Nest by © Tamarra Ba Vincio

When we feel trapped…
Untitled by © MaryMac
cracks
appearing on river rocks
graceful
like blood flowing
through veins

do you see me
as you poke your head-up
peering from behind
window panes

can you see the real me

traveled the holy lands
looking for answers
lay my body
in the dead sea
floated on top of the surface
can you now visualize me

i’m i’am
not of shallow water
one cannot view
my rocks and pebbles

can you visualize
the real me
stranger
preacher
doctor
lover
friend
can you see me

i’m a winner
no chance to lose
leaves
start falling
The Holies
are calling
i blend
into the
crowd

people dying
from the cold
left alone
because they’re old
love comes from grace

The Holies
unseen
from distant
face

kneel
bend your head over
you’re in the presence
of the Lord

bite back on your anger
making a conscious choice
all my pain and woe
can i ever show

The Holies
oh yes darlin’
they know

purchased a fender
without a case
forward scrumming
birthday punching
thank you
Lord Jesus
his spirit at rest

a man claims he’s tryin’
really are you cryin’
i’am realizing
something
am i seen
people looking straight through
perhaps an invisable hue

love reign over me
love reign over me
love sweet love
reign over me

come on baby
i need to rest my eyes
my body’s weak
it’s becoming to much for me to tweak
does anybody see me

i’m wet
not cold
thank God
i ain’t old

can you see the real me
cos it runs
in my family
do you see me

i’m one
i’am one
can you see
this is me

i’am like
the cheshire cat
not the rabbit

06/12/2011
marymac

When we do not know who we are…
Looking for Me by © gnarlyart

When we face indifference

Facing Invisible by © Rhenastarr
To all my sisters, who have had to face the Invisible. The invisibility of your own thoughts and dreams, the days of being taken for granted, of blending into the background. The days of having your inner light smothered by indifference and lackluster emotional input. Always strive to let your light shine, standing tall, standing proud and being that shield that will never let “The Invisible” consume your being. Rhenastarr

I wonder when I became invisible
I wonder when your eyes stopped
Seeing me
I wonder when your heart locked
Me out
Casting me in the shadows of
What was
Your inattentiveness has grown
Like a vine of corruption
Covering your heart, restricting
And smothering it’s love
Where there was light and laugher
Darkness has now permeated your soul
Damaging mine in the process
You have become the thorn that
Inflicts pain against my weakened
Vessel
I bleed from the sharpness of their cut
Bleeding my strength of purpose
To pool at my feet
How did I become lost in the darkness
Of your mind
The me that is housed there is the
Young girl you fell in love with
I’m still here, older but no wiser
I have wasted my tears on a man
Who can no longer see or feel them
I speak but my words can not
Penetrate the wall you have erected
I have become just a faded part of
The domestic landscape
That feeds your hunger
Satiates your desires
Leaving my valley dry and barren
And me like a husk blown about in a
Parched cornfield trapped under
The torturous blaze of a summer sun
Withered by your inability to release
Your heart from it’s tomb of complacency
I am drowning in your sea of thoughtlessness
Shrinking in the cold rain of your apathy
My soul numbed
I breathe and the ache that fills me is
A knife slicing through the heart of me
I wonder when I became invisible to me
I need to face the mirror of my own rejection
Open the door to a life that doesn’t contain
You
You left me sometime ago and now I must
Find the me that remains inside of the me
That casts a reflection of strength and
Determination to renew and survive and
be the me that will never again be invisible

Marie Harris © June 22, 2010

But we can become visible again….

Defy the Boundaries
by © shadowlea

Believe you can
It will
Set you
Free shadowlea

“Always strive to let your light shine, standing tall, standing proud and being that shield that will never let “The Invisible” consume your being.” Rhenastarr

this is such an interesting topic to ponder
and such a gorgeous collection of works…
here is my contribution…x

inVisible

As a receptacle for your rape and pillage
i remain invisible
to your lost sense of humanity

As a middle child to the nuclear family
i remain invisible
to your parental nurture

As a daughter to women who cherish men
i remain invisible
to your favouritism

As you label me a person with some kind of incapacity
my achievements remain invisible
to your boxed-in concepts

As an artist in a world motivated by greed
i remain invisible
to your economic rationalism

As a child in a world of responsibility
my childlike wisdoms remain invisible
as they fall upon deaf ears

As a mother waiting tables of bloodline
i remain invisible
to your gratitude and recognition of value

As aging attempts to put all my eggs in one basket
i become invisible
in a society which romanticizes youth

The flame of my Self burns brightly
whether it is seen by others or not
it lights my way

on my death bed I will meet my Self
and all shall be visible
Once and for all

Blessed be

© wildwomenlove poetry

Here’s another one from a different prospective that I want to make sure is included in this thread: Once Again Invisible © by Michele Markley.

AS I LAY IN MY BED DAY AFTER DAY. AFFLICTED BY NUERO-IMMUNE DISEASE. WHICH RACKS MY BODY WITH PAIN AND UNBELIEVABLE SYMPTOMS. SPASMS, MIGRAINES, PARTIAL VISION LOSS, AND THE LIST GOES ON. THE MEDICATIONS I MUST TAKE ENDLESSLY…SO MANY OF THEM. I PONDER MY INVISIBILITY ALL THE TIME..WHEN I AM IN A REMISSION AND OUT AND ABOUT AND I AM VISIBLE TO MY “FRIENDS” AND PLAYING GAMES OF POOL ….I "SEEM SO NORMAL.

WHAT I HAVE IS KNOWN AS “AN INVISIBLE DISABILITY” AND THE WORST THING OF ALL IS MANY DO NOT AND CAN NOT BELIEVE HOW I CAN BE SO ILL WHEN AT TIMES I SEEM SO “FINE AND FIT”.

LYING IN MY BED WATING FOR THE PHONE TO RING KNOWING THAT IF I AM NOT PLAYING POOL, MY "FRIENDS WILL KNOW I AM ILL …AND SURELY WILL CALL. WAITING FOR MY SON OR MY DAUGHTER TO CALL. WAITING FOR MY HUSBAND TO COME HOME. AND….NONE OF THESE THINGS HAPPEN, EXCEPTING FOR MY HUSBAND WHO WILL RETURN LATE AT NIGHT, USUALLY AROUND 10PM….AT WHICH TIME HE RETIRES TO HIS ROOM TO WATCH SOME TV AND GO TO SLEEP….

AND THEN AGAIN BEGINS ANOTHER DAY….I WAIT AND I HOPE. I AM TRULY INVISIBLE. NO ONE WANTS TO DEAL WITH SOMEONE WHO IS ILL, SOMEONE WHO IS IN PAIN DAY AFTER DAY. IT IS SUCH A DROLL TO HAVE TO COME TO TERMS WITH. SO MUCH EASIER TO SIMPLY CONTINUE ON WITH LIFE…THEIR OWN LIFE.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW I CAN BE SO INVISIBLE. I DO NOT KNOW WHY THIS IS SO HARD FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO COMMIT THEMSELVES TO INTERACTING WITH ME WHEN I AM IN A RELAPSE….
WHICH IS BECOMMING MORE AND MORE AS I AGE.
I BECAME ILL AFTER THE BIRTH OF MY 2ND SON AT THE AGE OF 23 AND NOW AT 52 THE RELAPSES ARE LONGER AND HARDER.

AND I BECOME MORE AND MORE INVISIBLE EVERYDAY….SOMEDAY I WILL FADE INTO TOTAL OBSCURITY. I GRIEVE FOR MY LOSS. AND THEN I WILL RETURN TO THE DUST JUST AS I CAME….ALONE.

IF ANYONE WANTS TO HELP IN A SMALL WAY…PLEASE CAST YOUR VOTE HERE .VIVANT IS RUNNING A PROJECT TO “GIVE BACK” 15 MORE DAYS OF VOTING…YOU CAN VOTE DAILY TO MAKE THE AMOUNT THEY GIVE GO HIGHER….EVERY VOTE COUNTS TOWARDS MY ILLNESS BEING FIGURED OUT.
http://www.vivint.com/givesbackproject/charity/...

I echo what Jenifer has said Tammera and my heart goes out to you. Take some comfort from the fact that you are by no means invisible here, but rather a strong and dynamic presence who opens our eyes to the many injustices and the many beauties which exist in this imperfect world of ours.
xx