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Joke of the day!

ALIANATOR ALIANATOR 127 posts

Hi all please feel free to add a joke or two below.

The jokes can be any length and the funnier the better but please NO swearing, sex or racism!

Go ahead and make us smile, just keep it clean :)

Chris-Cox Chris-Cox 61 posts

Mum! Mum! can i lick the bowl? No! pull the chain like everyone else! :)

ALIANATOR ALIANATOR 127 posts

lol Good one Chris :)


Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angry

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

ALIANATOR ALIANATOR 127 posts

A young girl, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The young girl said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the young girl came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the young girl answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the young girl added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Naf4d Naf4d 24 posts

…sorry, I’ve really tried to think of some good clean ones, but unfortunately I only know highly inappropriate ones (for here at least!)