10 Dating tips for the lonely Nerd

So, you’ve decided you’re lonely and that it’s time for you to crawl out from that hole you’ve been hiding in and go find a girlfriend? The…

Anatomy of a text message

Hey, I just got this text message from my girlfriend, yeah that’s right I have a girlfriend and she’s real! Anywho I just got this text fro…

Thoughts of a drunk

I am so… erm… er… / What’s it called when you drink too much alcohol? / There’s like a special word for it! / I think it rhymes with… “Kerp…

The Owassa Chronichles / A tale of Two Sickies

Gremlins, Grass and Graduation. June 1969

Thoughts of a man in love

Day 1 / Crowded public transport / On a wet Monday morning in November / What could be worse? / …Well, I suppose trapped in a lift with / J…

Lonely level 53 Wizard seeking female

Hello, I’ve been single for erm lets see… err four… five… carry the one…erm… since birth, and I feel it’s probably time I found a nice girl…

drug haiku

Dude sits on the wall / Inhales deeply on his bong / Well aint he a nob

Letter To a Friend in Jail

The whispy little granola girl with glasses named Michelle is now named Mike, has a beard and she mentioned, she has a renewed interest in …

The wonderful world of Facebook

There is a certain special place / In the world of cyberspace / Where people socialise / And unknown bands publicise / Where you can find o…

My 25 things to do before I die

1. Learn how to throw like a man / 2. Find the courage to ride the tea cups at Disneyland / 3. Run a marathon… ok, walk a marathon / 4. Wat…

How to refrain from swearing

If you’re reading this, then it’s pretty safe to assume you’re a despicable foul-mouthed… person, there you go look, I wanted to swear then…

Top 10 things to say before a fight

[Video] / 1. You should know I have a gym membership… so… well I mean I filled most of the forms out and everything but I haven…

Thoughts before a proposal

[Video] / Ah Paris / The city of love… / They say in Paris a couple gets engaged every 3 seconds / Now I’m no Mathematician but that’s a lo…

Thoughts in a supermarket

God I hate shopping! / Way too much walking involved / If only I had one of those Segways / Then I wouldn’t have to take a single step / Oo…

Dear Guitar

From: Paul Hickson <chersnumberonefan@yahoo.co.uk> / To: acousticguitar123@compuserve.com / Sent: Sunday, 20 May, 2012 22:19:13 / Sub…

Fathers and Sons

So erm… my Dad and I are currently not on speaking terms. We were watching a game show earlier and I correctly answered a question ab…

Thoughts in an exam

I am so effing tired / God why did I stay up all night watching Sex and the city / Damn you Sarah Jessica Parker and your hilarious mishaps…

Sod’s Law

Thank you sod’s law / For every time my toast falls jam side down on the floor / For every time tickets are sold out for the Hannah Montana…

A letter to Pedro the spider

Dear Pedro the spider / Ever since you took up residence in our bathroom, you’ve made my life hell! I have to actually cry myself to sleep …

The Facebook Rant

Hi there, hey, how’s it going? So get this. I have just received my 1’000th invitation to visit a friend’s farm on Farmville; yeah 1,000th,…

A book report by a student who didn’t actua…

“Hey, erm so I decided to do my book report on The Catcher in the rye by J.D Salinger. For anyone who hasn’t read this book alr…

The Procrastination Schedule

7:00 am – Wake up to the sound of the alarm clock, which was primed the night before specifically to get up early and begin working on that…

Confessions of a Red Bubble Addict

Here I sit on a Friday night. / On this lovely Red Bubble site. / Just one click of the mouse was an instant hook. / I just opened some pic…

Stapler, Tape, Hole-Punch

I stare blankly at the mountain of paper. ‘Blank’ is all I can give right now. I’m tired, I’m too tired for this. N…

Didja Ever Have One o’ Those Days?

This was the day from hell, born on the wings of the Devil himself.

C.V

Curriculum Vitae / Name: Paul Hickson / Date of birth: 04/09/89 / Sex: not as yet, I’m still looking for the right person / Objective: To t…

Ass Hole

He just stood there yelling “Asshole,” over and over

Thoughts while on hold

[Video] / “We are experiencing a heavy volume of calls at this time, please stay on the line while you are connected” / Of course you are /…

The Mariachi Band

Please listen to this while you read… / [Video] / I am haunted by five ghosts / Each one as terrifying as the last / They follow me f…

The Granddad Schedule

6:00am – Get out of bed, slowly… very slowly, as those aches, pains and arthritic joints you’ve accumulated over the years make the task of…

Best man speech

Ok, I think we’ve all reached a sufficient level of drunkenness now, I know I have, so I think it’s time to start the speeches&…

Paul Hickson’s “Photography top tips …

Photography top tip number 1 – Always remember to remove the lens cap / Photography top tip number 2 – Any image looks good in …

The bookshelf of Love.

She sighed and knew I was set on my course of destruction.

GEORGEISMS

1.) “If you are insulted by me, don’t feel too bad because if I don’t like you, you will be summarily ignored.” / 2…

The Rant

I just bought Pretty Woman on DVD and to my horror found that the deleted scenes have been omitted from the DVD bonus features!! I am so fi…

Avenue Q the musical- review

Sound immature? Politically incorrect? It is. And its freaking hilarious- it’s Avenue Q.

Into the bottle we shall go

five minutes of waiting for the water to ‘kick in’ you decide to ‘fuck it’ and grab the bottle of glens vodka off t…

Animal tweets

Cinnamon @CinnamonTheDog / Hey! other dogs! Every tree from Mr Li’s pet shop 2 the park is my tree! my tree! I marked them with my sc…

Soundtrack to my life

Ya know how kids do that whole lemonade stand outside their house to make a little money? Well I also did it… I was 22.

Erotica as written by a guy who has an extensive …

(Mature)

FAQ’s (Frequently Asked Questions)

Q. Why do dogs hate cats so much? / A. Dogs have had a hatred for cats ever since Andrew Lloyd Webber produced the hit musical “Cats&…

Nine Circles

Tribute to Inferno from the Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri — Nine Condemnations / Nine Sufferings / …… Nine Deaths

I loves me spray on jeans

I loves me spray on jeans / I think they fit just right / it takes some time to load ‘em, / tho’ tis always worth the fight. / …

There’s a Jack Nicholson under my bed!

When I was a child, my big brother used to tell me stories of horrible slimy monsters with enormous feet and big googly eyes, not unlike th…

more from “fuck my life”..

and with the same hands that i had held, and that had held me, hands that had made me feel so safe, hands that had delighted me between the…

“Don’t be stupid!”

Some people came into this world just to help others fulfill their true potential. / I mean, they keep telling you how far you are from you…

The War in the Cove

It was the itchy-hot middle of summer, and the neighborhood children were restless in their homes. Siblings glared evilly at one another, p…

The Plot Thickens Featuring Mistaken Identity

What story am I?

How it Began – The Reaper (A comedy in Six …

Well, I can use a scythe…

New Years resolutions

1. Stop making fun of celebrities such as Sylvester Stallone, we have to be nice to them, they have a hard enough time as it is. By the way…

It rings a bell! It connects. It’s not only…

That means that a lot of people who take the time to visit the Old Fitzroy Theatre are having a laugh and spending a few hours, in our busy…

I’m Dreaming of a Red Christmas…

“The battery will run out eventually.” Rebecca observed after fifteen minutes of the macabre mimickery.

LIE-DOWN COMEDY

So many people keep bugging me over EXERCISE…

Pain and Ice Cream

Come on laughter and cry aloud / with the madness of ending the staged comedy

FAQ’s (Frequently Asked Questions) 2

Q. What’s the current protocol for letting a girl know you like them? / A. Erm I’m pretty certain it’s still the same as …

Just Good Ol’ Fun

Wax the carrot / Spank the monkey / Do it like some darned sex junky. / Do it standing / Or have a seat / Ain’t no wrong way / To beat your…

I Wanna Dance.

Interior Scene / Open to bedroom. Pan across bed framing woman’s face asleep to man’s face asleep to alarm clock turning from 5:59 to 6:00.…

Ambition, love and the seemingly irreconcilable d…

So, go and help young Australian performers, writers, designers, technicians and directors to grow and develop and make some fathers proud!!

Talk to the hand because the face ain’t lis…

It is perhaps the most obnoxious phrase to ever grace the human oral tradition. Many of us have said it at least once in our lives; whether…

Shaving Donut Privates> scene 1

The ensuing panicked attempt to jump out of the bath resulted in the bath water turning bright red.

The 10-Minute Scrooge

Darkened bedroom of Ebenezer Scrooge – Inept Actors may hold Greek theater masks

“Victorian Virtue” – Excerpt – Ride Up Acti…

Her bright red hair shone in the sunshine. Female! Mary was so surprised and her excitement grew. There was only one woman Mary could think…

“Which way to Paris?”

INT. PLANE INTERIOR – ECONOMY CLASS – DAY / It’s a routine flight from New York to Paris. The pilot makes an announcement to the passengers…

SARF EFFRIKIN PYOWA SHOTIGES AN LODE SHEDIN…

His miserable existence came to a head when he inflicted a ‘nipple crippler’ on the owner of his favorite patch.

Online Love Story

Name: Tim Bennet / Age: 31 / Occupation: Travel writer/explorer / Bio: / I guess this is the part where I tell you who I am? It’s a big que…

14 Iphone Apps that should exist

1. The Sylvester Stallone translator app – This is a really handy app, as it gives you the ability to decipher exactly what Sylvester Stall…

Historical tweets

Napoleon Bonaparte @NappyB69 / Of all the islands to be exiled to, why oh why couldn’t it have been Ibiza? #ElbaSucks / Elizabeth 1 of Engl…

The Rant 2

You will not believe this! I just went to watch a highly informative Youtube video on skateboarding monkeys, and to my surprise the popular…

Pondering the Ponderous Pomp of Poop

In my life I’ve read thousands and thousands of books, magazines periodicals, etc. I’ve read adventures, mysteries, science fiction, fantas…

Teleportation devices

Now you know, do shit and go places.

Intelligent Life On Earth

All of a sudden a space alien come from around the bushes and walks up to him and the dog.

Jokes

Being something of a humorist myself, I have often wondered, who are the authors of all the millions of hysterical jokes we hear almost on …

The Shawshank Detention

Ya know that feeling when you’re incredibly bored and time just seems to inexplicably stand still? Well that’s pretty much what Mr Shawshan…

Message in a bottle

June 19th 1985 / To whom it may concern, I am shipwrecked on a remote island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. / It is 30 days, as I write th…

Good Talking With You

Men think of sex every six minutes. I guess that was my contribution. I looked down at my watch. 12:31. Someone down the hall had the ra…

LARGER THAN LIFE

His bare white legs offered no resistance to the two-inch spurs protruding from those of the ferocious white foul circling in on him like a…

The Superhero CV

Name / Paul Hickson / Current alias / Captain Environment / Previous aliases / • Gender confused boy/girl / • Generic superhero man / • Th…

The Clown

Wobbling around on his unicycle, / like he is wearing a blindfold. / Pedal after pedal he pushes on, / over the bumpy circus floor.

Secret stash.

I’ve got a secret stash / it’s hidden far from view, / but I like to count it out / when I’m sitting on the loo! / I tend…

Psalm; 6 Cylinder Ford.

Thou preparest a parking space before me in the presence of mine enemies, thou annointest my head with rear-vision mirror’s; my confi…

Freed Soul

Longing to spread wrings of creativity,to earn my keep.

A PURE CLASSIC!

I got this off my email – hate doing the whole chain-email thing but this is just a classic!!! / Oh where is a damned brilliant vaude…

The Rant 3

Hey… er… I just wanted to take this opportunity to erm… to just apologise to the virtual crowd that attended the Wii ping…

The God Market

‘Can I help you guys?’ / ‘Yes, we’re getting married in a few weeks, so…’ / ‘So you need to get a religion sorted out?’ / ‘That’s right, do…

Skin Tag

Tea in the nude and drunk alone tastes better.

“Victorian Virtue” – Excerpt – Ride Up Acti…

Amanda stepped off him before he’d fully righted himself and threw the reins over his head. Her focus was on the man she was aiming to kill…

Comedious Commentarious :Life Raft

His neighbor look at him as if he has flipped his wig, and asks," Aren’t you deathly afraid of boats, because of that recurring …

Miss Terrie

What you need…

The work experience guy…

…A small thundercloud gathered over his head. Lightning shorted out around him…

“Victorian Virtue” – Excerpt – Ride Up Acti…

All Molly could see was the horse’s front hooves pawing the air and his big chest and stomach blocking all else, while his massive rear qua…

A Nocturnal Encounter

…high above, the moon was a shimmering silver apple. Almost full, it had been nibbled by the Goddess of the Night….

The weird kid

Do you remember that weird kid when you were at school? / Who used to sit at the back and eat paper and chalk / And didn’t conform with the…

Living Irony

My stilettos could no longer hold. / At some poor man’s feet;

Jesus and the All-Stars! Episode 1: Massive Squid…

‘Sorry ladies, I must depart,’ said Jesus. ’It’s this whole “saving-the-world” thing. They won’t start without me.’

Comedious Commentarious :Travaler’s Safety

So the other man asked, were did you learn this fascinating bit of historical information ?

Beyond the Bubble

I’m in Hong Kong. A nervous stop over as the threat of the SARS virus is at its peak. People everywhere are wearing hospital like masks ove…
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