Just a Vaginal Joke ‘Do you have vagina’ / knock at the door / She slams the door in disgust The Haunting of a Poltergeist We heard a loud thump and something being dragged along the floor / bedroom brrrrr so cold and I’m sure I heard a moan / The stairs door r… What do you reckon Dad? I know I shed a tear or two / When father slipped the coil / The day he died and also when / They covered him with soil Irish Joke – “3 Pints of Guiness̶… Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin / Well now, I have two brodders / The barman admits that this is a nice custom The Joke Some of the old farmers I’ve heard talking, state that the dead had dragged him into the graveyard and pulled him down into some hellish ab… “Irish Joke” – “Mick and … Paddy back home in Dublin / ‘F**kin hell, Mick!’ Mud in your bucket I just knew the clouds today were saying "Ahhhhh that’s better”. / ………….. / “Move out of the way…… The Monkey’s Truth Okay. There’s this chick who works for NASA. / she looks after the monkeys there. / Names one ‘God’ because she’s r… My Christmas Rant I don’t know WHY you can’t put decorations on a dirty house Woman’s diary v Man’s diary After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed. / I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deepl… Kind grief kissed the sorrow lips of a lost witho… Burn the tongue for clotted sounds ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ JOKE… A contestant Sally, on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ had reached the final plateau. / If she answered the next question corr… But No One Seems To Understand My memory of life ……………. some has been taken away from me, / My mood swings are quite often ………. Their really challenging my personality! /… Ode to Alcohol I’ve sipped myself silly Buenos Notches What a shock no waiting at the till, / the young Senorita, / the error of my ways The Aussie Cattle Dog!!! This little story could be applicable in any country, whatever side of the political fence they are on… / Kevin Rudd called Julia Gil… 100% Wrong Number Newly married husband saved his wife’s Cell phone no as / MY LIFE / After 1 year / My WIFE / After 5 years / HOME / After 10 years /… Good Joke Ol son. Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. Fascinate – Joke The teacher asked the class / The teacher said, ’Well, that was good Sally, Yes Sir! Yes officer I wore my seatbelt / the shoulder strap strangles me though / I had my arm slipped through it to keep it down off my neck / Was… Blond Joke There were three Aussie blokes working on a building site in Sydney… one of those tall skyscraper things. this joke may leave a bad taste in your mouth As a young teacher I was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. The children began to say: / R… ©AN ODE TO MATHILDE – ‘BAMBOOZLED’ Bamboozled’ she said / And ME .. feeling half dead, / Not having slept / All night long – Spirit Of Freedom Each bird, each butterfly that you see, think back, and think of me! / In this place of ecstasy, there are no cars, no planes or boats or t… Fuck ‘Em if They Can’t Take A Joke (Mature) Prologue dialogue epilogue….c’est mon dada Dyadic deadeyes dada….some know zero-sum…zero binary code sum… This is a hilarious joke!! HAHA How many sons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? wittle archie joke ( three blind mice ) one day the three blind mice were out walking , like this.. nose to tail… nose to tail and yes…. you got it ..nose to tail.. … thought for the day ,I got stiffed again While most women age / like a fine wine / my wife aged / like curdled milk ! / thought for the day ! Turning The Page A Victorian look that blends with her chair, / It cascades down to the floor, / Gives this photograph the quality and proof of its age! Riting pottery (note to a younger self) I used to rite some pottery / I fink thats what its cawled / about lifes blinking lottery / yes pen in hand I scrawled / I laffed at all th… Snail Joke This man had just sat down to his christmas dinner when there was a knock / at the door. / He opened the door, he looked right, looked left… The legend of joak ; Part 2 If a mak him happy he… If yea want a laugh tae pee yer breeks, / listen tae joak whin ever he speaks. / He says a lot but nuthin’ is said , / but jist enuf so ye’… The Pangs Of Love I miss you loads and still feel the need to cry / My life seems oh so incomplete and in a mess, / I really don’t know the reason why Better Than Us I’ve been watching some nature programs lately made by the great BBC. / I have now compiled a list of animals that are…. / ” Better Than Us… That’s Life. ….what the?… I’ve lost my…oh it’s in… / or is it?…oh shit, I left it……where? limerick (G) When he whittled the garnish, / So his design he did tarnish. Three Rows Of Sunshades with topless ladies all around, / suddenly engines from powerboats broke the silence, / coming fast and furious now, THE PRACTICAL JOKE Christine put the phone down and a big smile crossed over her face. Bret was coming home tonight. Irish Joke – “Wardrobe” Murphy Mick and Paddy! Joke as a Parable Exploding into a frenzy, he flings his shopping cart on it’s side, spilling bags on the pavement. Silent, save for an occasional grun… Joke of the Day…… A man is in hospital with 80% burns. The Doctor says to the nurse “Prescribe him with some Viagra”…..the Nurse inquires &… A Blonde Joke Blonde Vs Lawyer $5 / $500. Pecans in the cemetery On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. The Joke That Is Always On Me I often shake my head because I know I would thrive / With a certain type of nutrient which is withheld / And forbidden / It is not given … My Spirit In The Sky Whispering secrets to me from above. / What has made me oh so sad? / I am so confused and out of touch! Offering sick of faces all blank and staring / offering me / nothing, / fucking nothing. / no sign of life / to be found here. / everyone’s … ‘Mad Cow Disease!’ I went to the doctors / and had some tests done. / I explained what was wrong / and told him my symtoms. / A change in my attitude / and in… NOT A JOKE it was a scheme / very well devised / to put someone down / in others’ eyes / to poke fun / and then say it’s a joke / i was on… Morning Breakfast There was bacon cooking, a dozen fried eggs, / “Buenos Dias” joke for today – sharing Thought this would make you smile. hugsxxx / A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are desig… Expanded joke Dangerous strange straggled tangle / Bicarious blanketing dungfly factor / Illuminary pompitious duraginas rex / Korma cartoons coolheaded … Joke A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced the m… Joke Husband always insisted in making love in the dark. / After 20 years, wife turns on the light, / And find him holding a vibrator! / She goe… Joke: The Golden Frog (Mature) Your Favorite Movie. This math sequence can predict your favorite movie. Mine was Star Wars. Not sure how it works but it does… Irish Joke – “Paddy at War” Paddy, Murphy Seamus, Patrick, O’brian and Hans Hello Lift Plz A young girl was walking on the road. / A handsome guy came and says / Miss Do u want lift? i can drop you on your home. / I am not a bad g… FRIENDLY Hi there, you silly bloke / Come on tell me a dirty joke / I’ve been working me bum off all day / Haven’t had a good laugh I mu… Ridiculous Speed & Transdimensional Computer Galactic Thesaurus: Ridiculous Speed / After inventing ”Ridiculous Speed Drive”, / generally all speeds over 1000 times of lightspeed, / we… Theistic Evolution Stinks! A student asked the professor how did God put evolution into motion? Irish Joke – “The Vatican” Vatican / Pope / Tent THIS MAN IS SMASHING He is debonair / He is smashing / He is delightful / He is dashing / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / Provocative all the time / Knows the right places… Misspelled Word Turned Into A Joke The typo incident did get me a little irritated , but gave me a idea for a short joke. Terminator Chicken Other guy asks his friend,"when you eat steroid free meat,can you see or taste a difference in the quality of the meat? " 101 uses for a Stepladder 101 USES FOR A STEPLADDER / 1. A Stylish Hat / 2. A Doorstop / 3. A Table…. / 92. A Virus Protection Program / 95. A Fashionable Acce… joke joke joke joke joke joke joke i took the dog out for a walk the other night / we went round the housing scheme, / through the park and along the nature trail. / then do… The Problem with Being a Rockstar ’I don’t know if it was the promise of a Karaoke DJ or the whiff of birthday cake that drew the crowd but there was about 70 people i… j “i miss you” (Mature) A joke “Drink the Guiness” A guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. / “I think my penis is to small”, he says. / The doctor asks him whi… You Can’t Drop A Cow Out Of A Helicopter There, I have your attention now. Your hooked, and your about to spend the next 5 minutes reading about some of the worlds stupidest laws. … Disease of the pocket He coughed, moaned and spluttered, and stared at the floor, / while the barman felt sorry for the ailing old bore. Irish Joke – “Hazoured Warning” Mick and Sean The reaper knows You think me / Trapped in / Hell / Ha! / You fools / You blithering / Idiots! / It is you / Who are / Trapped / Who are not free. / You / … Bad Joke Dark room. Sudden shock. Bowels evacuated. st. patty’s joke what’s irish and comes out in the springtime? Another lesbian joke Q: Why can’t lesbians diet and wear make-up at the sametime? / A: Because they can’t eat Jenny Craig with Maybelline on their f… The Merry-Go-Round You’re addicted to the way it feels. / The way the wind slaps your face. / The movement. / The music. God loves monkeys One day God was sitting around playing Jenga, and his wife said “have you figured out what to do with those monkeys yet?”. / Go… Lesbian joke Q: How do gay gangsters do drive-by shootings? / A: They throw skittles at the victims and yell, “Taste the rainbow”…R… The cheek of it! Buzz off! Last Lesbian joke for the Day An Old man walked into a Bar and ordered 10 shots of Whiskey. / The Bartender asked,“What’s the matter?”. / The old man s… Plato bag ’o chips A Terrible Joke haven’t been hungry, / been under bedsheets, / sleepin and stirrin, / watchin the walls breathe, / watchin the wells seep, / watchin … Another lesbian joke Q:How can you tell if Lesbian Carpenters built your house? / A:All tongue-in-groove,with no Studs. Never Lost Just Redistributed I wrote back to her," No , You didn’t loose 10 pounds." Good Vibrations So I tell the surgeon I would if possible like for him not to take or leave anything in my body that is not crucial for the success of my o… lame politically incorrect joke for you all to en… I have a really bad, borderline fascist joke to tell… / Why did Hitler not return his library books? / Because he wanted to hear the … Your Clothes Are Smoking How did Fire Fighters determ this was the work of a Serial Arsonist? Lesbian Joke Q:Whats the Difference between a Lesbian and a Dyke? / A:About $30,000 a year. Top reasons you are a Facebook junkie When your dog needs to go to the bathroom he has to post a request on your Wall ‘And…’ It became more apparent the whole thing was just an elaborate improvisational scenario; either you’re bearing witness, performing, or… A Joke or 3 Q:What do you call a Jewish Homo-sexual / A:Heblew. / Q:How do you tell if your in a Gay Church / A:Only half the congregation is kneeling.… FUNNI JOKE I was working in the garden this weekend and my wife was about to take / a shower. / I realized that I couldn’t find the rake. I ye… Is the joke on me? If I die / And I am dead / What will happen then? / And what of ghosts / And De ja vous? / And when the hairs / Of the neck / Stand up. / W… Confusion In The Water Closet Unless you are a closet Corn Farmer,
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