10 Dating tips for the lonely Nerd So, you’ve decided you’re lonely and that it’s time for you to crawl out from that hole you’ve been hiding in and go find a girlfriend? The… Lonely level 53 Wizard seeking female Hello, I’ve been single for erm lets see… err four… five… carry the one…erm… since birth, and I feel it’s probably time I found a nice girl… Eligible Bachelor Today I went online to see / If there’s a good used gal for me / I saw a bunch of dating sites. / But which one’s wrong and whi… The Problem with Internet Dating Or we could meet and break this wretched curse / That stifles every minute of the day. / To meet and fail to love cannot be worse / Than al… Handcuffs or Whips?! Maybe it was a case of the girl who cried wolf. Perhaps those who passed the door couldn’t tell if she was saying help or HELP?!! everything and you. It’s really like a symphony, if you listen close enough. Deep enough. Drunk enough. The moon, and bars and cafes. The desperation, routine,… As Romantic As A Lettuce I’m single and have been for about 9 months now. Fortunately for my sex life, my place of employment is rather lax with monitoring their AA… Evergreen I was just a tiny sapling, / With roots so very small. / I had no buds or blossoms, / And felt no sunshine at all. / Then a short time ago,… Dating Ads A friend and I were talking about the ads in dating publications and how they could be rewritten to be less predicable. Being someone who w… Courtship of a maiden From behind he leaneth her in his direction / Takes in the sweet aroma of her par-fum / Cups her smooth young face and guide-th it back / U… The delights of dating Miss, / Might I call you miss? / Or is it Ms? / Apparently they are two / Very different things / Sir, / Should I call you goodsir? / Or is… Speed Dating Have you ever tried it? E affinity 1. Can you afford our fees? / 2. Er.. / 3. That’s it! Lost souls waiting for paths to cross….. I’m here again / Sitting cross legged in my chair / Pj’s on and ruffled hair / I’d offer you coffee / But the cupboard is bare / So i… Cheetah In The Urban Jungle This time round, the prize – / Is a blonde that caught my eye. The Buttering of the Sleeve (Mature) The Date From Hell I wanted to die. I wanted the concrete to buckle and suck me under and magically transport me back to my quiet, welcoming apartment. Worth Waiting For Cos’ I was told it hits harder than this/ / Like a thunderbolt or a bag full of bricks/ / So when a feather brushed over my lips/ / Guess i… Dating with Dali I have neglected to tell you the joy / I feel in your presence. / I always think it’s rather obvious, / but you may not know / Ton… ~ Meet You …. ~ What time you wanna meet up? / I know exactly where Freckles On Her Chest She doesn’t sleep / She simply breathes / Gives herself away for love / The freckles on her chest / Set her apart from the rest A lot In Common You’re beautiful…but strange…So am I. / You’re smart…but still slow…So am I. / You’re impatient&… A Beaver out of the River Overjoyed to have a social event etched on the calendar, I was like a child counting down to Christmas, eagerly anticipating a big night ou… Worst. Date. Ever. This was mine. Speed Date And he was a painter! She never met a painter before she moved to the city, and now they were everywhere. First Meeting (Erotic) (Mature) I May Become A Nun! I just couldn’t rhyme my frustration…. 6 Days of Heaven …everything I feel for you comes together in my core. In that moment I have no doubt, no self-fear, no arrogance… Virtual Reality Uploaded photos of married (or equivalent) skin, / Cut or Uncut and framed in glory hole fashion. Rebuilding I feel as though I agreed to something that I can’t allow myself to go through with right now. I told you that we could be friends and I sa… Electronically Yours (but this isn’t a poem… Bring The Roses When There’s More Than One… Where was he? Did he see me and clear off because I wasn’t what he was looking for? I guess he might have?? THE DATER He was a charmer to the teee. He said all the right things. He told them exactly what they wanted to hear, and he played them like nobody&#… Internet Dating For Me…. So was this internet dating stuff about ‘marketing’ yourself, or was it about being in the right place (internet dating site) a… Missing You I don’t know how I can miss someone that I have not yet met. / But I do. / I don’t know how I can miss seeing eyes that have ne… Skinny Cheese I admire their hip and trendy fashion of designer dresses that cling to them like coat-wracks. And I notice the only thing their hands touc… True Love Communications not working, / Points of view not the same, / My darling, my sweet, / The one I will maim. A series of ramblings After the hurting is done, I will be fine. I will be amazing, I will learn to love again. I will find someone who deserves what it is I h… Crying Behind the Smile So here we go again / with all your mixed signals / and all my second thoughts / Someone once told me “Don’t be afriad to try s… Life lingers A tree silhouettes his outline / Tall and dark he leans against the trunk / Quietly staring, glancing, thinking, waiting / Legs crossed, ri… Linger in Your Smile Sometimes my life narrows / Back to you and me / The way we talked, / The way we walked / The things we didn’t see Dating in a Sweet shop Soft centre / hard centre / dark or white? / Sweet or bitter, / chunky or light? / One with wrappings / or one plain loose? / Fresh off the… The di Vinci Code of Dating… After one year of being single, I’ve slowly started to crack the on-line dating code. The Morning After If everything about you / from your head to your feet / strings you up like a piece of meat, / it won’t be until post coitus that I … The Double Dipper!!! He never lied to me…and he said his Russian girl knew. An Internet Prince from Far Away Lands I started wondering if this could be the mail-order husband kinda bloke… Does He Bring Pumpkins?! The next thing I hear this bloke on the verandah and the kids laughing their heads off in the back room. Epic Fail I can’t even lie / without saying something stupid. / I’m really an okay guy / when I’m not saying something stupid. I Can See Red Boots at Dusk One night, / I saw her there; / Walking in all her feminine warmth: / Hurrying and bounding. / She was alite with what must have been / the… Tittles to dot the eyes…two Glyphs. oh back to the reverie…quick lets exit this penis head before the vagina closes in. Don’t Say Goodbye I thought my world was going to end the day you crushed my “perfect” little world. But was it ever really perfect or did I jus… Questions 52-piece quik weave, “come-n-do-me” pumps and hot pants / An assembly line of Nicki Minaj look-a-likes / Working the Strip leading to V.I.P… Fairytale or Fantasy?! People had discovered that you didn’t really need to be looking for a long-term loving relationship. Technology: A New Twist on Love “What if logging onto the internet meant that you would find true love, make wonderful new friends, discover a new addiction, lose every ce… Females and the Mating Games – PR Pa… Dynamic. Hard Hitting Truth. / A book for single girls…about men.. / Written in conversational prose style… / Dating… The Love of Two Lost Souls (Pt. 4) “Get in bed. I don’t want to see you, because if I do, or if I find out you’re still lying to me, I’ll stab you and him in your sleep,"… In Love I’m in love. Totally. Happily. Completely. Joyfully. Without Reservation. Hopelessly. Crazily. Helplessly. / I wasn’t l… Snapshots of a break-up His parents’ fluffy white carpet / My scuffed black shoes / His swelling pink bottom lip / My wrung white hands / The sighing door / … To My Valentine – 2010 you have filled my life with light and hope. you have lifted my soul from the depth of my numb hell and i have glimpsed heaven in your lov… Sushi and Sorrow… Because now I realize how hard I have to work just to feel comfortable in a relationship again Can’t Believe Ripped my flesh / Open my wounds / How was I to know? / You never told me. / Can’t believe that / I’m the fool again. / How wa… I am an expert on dating ( The male perspective) Unfortunately I got divorced in 1997. I am now happily remarried. / But before I got remarried I was a very successful dater. Lol. / REAL… The S Factor Have you ever been dumped because you weren’t accepting enough of someone? You may be surprised but this isn’t a cultural issue… BIG MONSTER He wanted me to come back to his cave and live with him / But I told him I couldn’t do that / Because he was a monster and I wasn… The New Rate Your Date With Donna Card…. If you’ve dated me, please feel free to print it out and mail it back… The First Meeting! Then without delay he lurched over and picked up his guts that nearly hung on the road with his right arm and pulled the string on the insi… The Persuasion of Him When I told him I didn’t feel well / He said he’d make it quick / I wanted to feel love / but all I felt was sick. Truths Behind The Lies ever answered a personal ad? just the friend We had a good talk, fo’ real, want to cry! / am deprived / not a lesbian, not anything, basically, dead, to everyone else / motherfucker 3 Years Later I found an old box today / filled with all your things / the gifts, the cards, the letters / brought back memories / It took me what seemed… Window of Pain After watching you tear yourself down, I find myself looking away and wiping away my tears. Why are you doing this to yourself? I don’… Waking Thoughts Every morning I wake up without you, and… / My hands long to brush the hair from your face. / My eyes long to look into yours. / My b… Heartstrings Heart and mind a blur, / thoughts seem to swallow me whole. / Gushing from my eyes, / I no longer see, / I no longer care. “DO YOU FIT MY NUT?” Well, I’ve been screwed….twice!! But before you start thinking: “What the hell??” let me explain. ’Mid.Life and Dating…" (extract) The whole room just oozed mid life crisis. It was steaming from peoples ears into the air, being inhaled by others, dr… There loss We are biologically produced from one man and one woman. / But when it comes to love, why do we always end up questioning ourselves? NaPoWriMo #22 King of your own rust emporium, / Patent-holder of the civilized squall; What I Lack I don’t understand / why you always come back / The things that you want / are the things that I lack. The Bad Date After sputtering and choking for a good two minutes, I spat at him that “I highly doubt that the driving test will include stealing a… Two Lonely People Two lonely people, / two lonely hearts. / Two lonely people wanting a new start. / Two lonely people, / joined by fate. / Who ever thought … Application for “Dating Advice” Column Okay then. How do I begin to explain? Who is Ari? What is he? Did my Mother have a stroke? Help!! So, I have yet again returned to the world of computers. I was going to put this under journal but they say it’s for non-creative wo… Dating Dirty Neither is an appetizing choice. However, the law of / scarcity is at work here, coupled with its partner in / crime: libido. Know Know / …that i have given my heart to you. / …that my soul is your refuge. / …that your voice brings me joy. / …tha… Why are hot russian brides so hot What’s so Great about Hot Russian Brides? / Do you wonder why so many men are fascinated by Russian brides, why men travel all the wa… The Elusive One Its pretty cut and dry. it’s the risk you take when you internet date. / I wondered who the hell that could be, was it his cleaning lady, … Looking Forward To I am completely In Love with a woman 2000 miles away. We’ve spent hundreds of hours on the phone together (really – just ask S… Personal Ad Armadillo overlords seek killer Rabbis. Dating in a sweet shop! Soft centre / hard centre / dark or white? / Sweet or bitter, / chunky or light? Mood Swings It’s best to just leave me be when it happens although both wives have thrown Midol at me during these times, generally from a safe d… Secrets of Seduction and dating revealed Well we are all animals when all is said and done. / Of course we are highly evolved animals. / We have developed such a game in the mode o… The Thaw I’m in a good mood. Happy. / Not about any one thing. Just generally happy. / My friends tell me it’s been about 10 days. I … With You in my Life Having you in my life / …I am strong. / …I am loved. / …I am cherished. / …My heart is strengthened. / …My so… It was the year halibut prices rose It was the year halibut prices rose. / “What’s for tea mum” the kids would ask “Not halibut!” their mother would reply. “Too pricey.” / “Mu… Strange Attractors I smelled the air and broke the silence, / “Tonight the water doesn’t stink.” / If it did, that wouldn’t be too / Romantic / Do… Love, Control, and Decisions In the last two days I have read two writings that deal with the damage that control in a relationship brings. And it made me reflect on m…
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